The End!?

Oh, the end is near
All the signs have been seen
All the words have been lost
And all dreams scattered away

Though I go on sleeping at night
No sleep comes to me

Unnamed

I see at the distance
The shore I never reached

All is lost, in time
All the grief I thougth I could hold
But helding only time
Until the fall

The fall of the heart
Strikes deep
But the fall of one's belief
Curses you forever

I saw the shore
Long time ago
With silent waves
Saying goodbye

03.The Truth

Rachel woke up. As she got up from her bed she thought everything was the same.

"I had this strangest dream..." - she thought to herself, glad to realise it was not real.

She yawned and stretched her arms and legs. She went out of the room, to the long dim corridor.

"Father!" - she shouted. No answers came from the house. "Maybe he is out to buy some food"

Rachel went to the bathroom to wash herself up. She was humming a lively tune and her heart felt light. She used extra soap this time and made bubbles with her mouth, just like she always did when she was a little little girl. She smiled inside, she was a happy person. She used the green towel to dry her face and stepped out of the bathroom while doing it.

Rachel stopped all of a sudden. She heard voices, voices from within her mind. She became scared! What was the meaning of this!?

She entered the bathroom again and gazed at the mirror. Instead of her face she saw a bleak figure, with dark eyes.

"Come to us!" - the mirror cried. And, though she tried to run away, a pair of hands reached out for her grabbing her arm, pulling Rachel into the void. She was trapped inside the mirror.

"You are dead now." - the unseen voice creaked.

Rachel felt like dying. But then she realised, she was already dead.

Re-set

Sometimes, just sometimes
I travel to the land of nowhere
In the blankness of that void
I, sometimes, just sometimes
Wonder how would it be to forget
Forget everything..
Life, myself, the world
And reinvent myself from a pristine state..

02.Rebirth

She opened wide the creaking door with a long movement of her arm. The door knocked on the wall and then stood still. The corridor was silent and dark. At a distance, the glowing opening of the bathroom door. She advanced.. step by step..

The man used a green towel to wipe his wet hands. While looking at himself in the mirror he thought

"I wonder how long will it take..."

He then turned to leave.. switched off the light and left the room. As soon as he stepped out he saw her daughter zombie like figure.. her long hair glued to her forehead with two burning deep dark eyes.

"Daughter.. come to your papa!" he whispered "I am longing for your embrace."

She gave no response to him.. the distance between the two of them decreasing..

"Come on Rachel! " he said with a jiggle - at this time the girl stoped - "I love you soo much! Remember how you called me daddy and how I would give you candy and so many kisses"

Oddly, Rachel did remember those things. How could this be? Was she not dead? For a moment she realised she had memories, that her brain was not dead.. how? This man killed her.. with his hands...her own father.. why? Why was she alive, then?

And so, just as awaking from a distant dream her body collapsed on the floor. Her father raced to reach for her. He then embraced her..

"You came back, I knew you would. You will never leave my side"

Rachel could not speak.. her mind hurting like it had been out of order for so long, trying to keep up with reality. She soon fell assleep.... why? why all this.. She felt death! She was certain of that!

1.The Birth

He removed is hands from her neck. Ten red scars imprinted on her fine skin made her eyes afraid.
He sat down on the wooden flor, breathing heavily from the task of putting her for a long sleep..
The young body, fragile, resembled someone dancing.. only there was no music, and no alive person for that matter..

"I enjoyed it" - he whispered to himself, smiling.

He then left the bedroom and went into the washroom for cleaning himself.
On the bed, the lifeless body of her young daughter gazed the emptiness of the dark room. Sadness made the air heavy, the walls weeping like silent cascades. At a distance, the sound of joyous water flowing from the bathroom sink.. the gentle and calm humming of the killer... ignominious man. Justice... vengeance must come to him..

And so.. by means of rage and will to vindicate her death, the young girl's body arose, with empty eyes and empty heart... only the sound of running water and the voice that she would soon vanquish.

"The Fountain"

Could this be?
How can this be?
What I hold
What I grasp
What I see...

Can this be?
The truth I know
The words I scold
The eyes I behold
The remnants I see...

Will this be?
How will it be?
And nothing I See
Nobody to listen
A soul inconsistent
My feet, my words, my mind
I see...

"Turning Season Within"

Fall comes as leaves go
All light weighted and burnt
Trying to rainbow themselves
As one long carpet of dreams




Still, in this picture,
Albeit the colours do appear
Fall is nothing but renewal
A season of change.


Someone, at some unique time
Made the assumption we are like Fall!
We too dry and fall down
We too dye to become born again.

Like myself, making verse out of prose
I too fall.. I too dry all burnt and hard
Smashing myself with my heavy walking
Throughout the history of my life.

I am Fall that precedes Winter
I am Winter that grows into Spring
I am Spring that hurls into Summer
I am Summer who vintages life into Fall!

I do whisper like a dreamer
I am all You read and see
But in my eyes I cast light on You
In my eyes I am inside a turning point!

Life is like a falling leave
When falling we can only hope..
Not to be stepped on!

A Pernicious Blanket Rose From the Dephts of The Sea

While he awaited for a boat to reach the shore, a blanket apeared to him.. It said "You are deaf.."
The man gazed to the blanket floating just above his head! "What?! I don't understand!!" The blanket returned.. "As I am white, you are deaf!"
The man silently watched the floating white blanket. Again he said "I don't understand."
"You are clearly deaf.." replied the blanket, and it descended onto the man's head.. The man felt sufocated and pleaded for the blanket to leave him alone.. As he felt his lungs failing he fought fiercely for liberating his body from the insidious blanket..

When he finally was able to cast the blanket aside he saw a boat at shore. It had sails the color of the sea, it sounded just like a wave and it had the scent of a blue and peacefull sea.
He went to the side of the boat and shouted "Anyone?" but there was no reply. He then climbed the side of the boat and went inside. The boat was empty.. not a single soul. He felt sadned by the sight of emptyness and turned to exit the boat..
As he turned with soggy eyes the blanket rose from the ground and raced towards the grieving man, attaching itself to the man's face..
He screamed in fear trying to free himself. "You are deaf..." the blanket repeated...

Suddenly, the white blanket went away and dived into the ocean.. never to be seen again. The man was breathing heavily and fell to the floor of the boat. As soon as he rose from the floor he realised he was in the middle of the ocean, no land on sight.. He froze.. he trembled.. he wept.. "How am I to reach land?!" he cried to the waves..

He sat down.. weeping like a silent child.. and then heard a crack... a rumble... the boat started sinking.. he panicked.. the boat split in two.. he thought he was going to be dead for sure.. and as he tried to stay above water and keep himself from drowning he woke up on his bed, drenched on sweat..

He tried to calm down.. and thought of the dream.. "Angus!! could it be?!" As he dressed his clothes he remembered, those words of yesterday, words of worry, of care... "Please.. do not be stuborn.. please listen to what I say..." Why didn't he listened? Clearly, he was deaf...

Will you protect me...

I wonder.. will you
When the time comes
Will you?
When the moment arrives
Will you?

Protect what we are..

Will you?? I hope you do!

Blindness is the new trade mark of mankind

Blindness.. could just be a movie.. but it is stigmata (curious.. another film title..)

If you haven't seen the movie or read the book then do not worry.. I will not write about movies or books.. that would be just plain stupid, since I haven't read or seen blindness... I will eventually, read.. the movie might interest me.. but I like to think for myself, to form my own pictures, characters.. story, inside my mind..

Blindness is an ailment.. cast into mankind by gods. There was this man that could make blind people see.. He was a God! He had the power to make blind men see, open their eyes..

But there was a blindness He could not cure! A blindness so deep within that sometimes, just sometimes, men didn't knew they had it! Blindness of the heart, of the soul... expressed to the world in colorful words such as, greed or pride!! Not even a God can cure that kind of blindness..

Clouds pass on the sky... rain pours... rivers flow... men live and die.. born and unborn... but blindness stays! From time to time the world become a dark place. "Fierce beasts, from hellfire..." some cry.. but they are men, disguised as beasts..

Volcanos erupt because the world and nature cannot contain the pain and grief brought by men.. hearthquakes shake the continents and seas because the core of the world rumbles restless with blindness from above..

At this point I don't really remember why I started this post!! *sigh*

"Forever will be gone"

I take the title of a song from Mortal Love... I steal it to my own purpose!

Forever will be gone... when no more can be achieved! Dreams have the unsatisfactory fact that may not ever happen! So.. what is forever?! if not just another dream.. nothing lasts forever.. nothing..

Forever will be long gone, when we lay our tired head on the eternal pillow hoping to see familiar faces..

The silence is the eternal noise

A winterstorm went away
The tide of sorrow still remain
The vacant sight of the gray sky
Is bound to this world until the last sigh

Not all ships are dead at shore's sand
God is might and has powerful hand
Or he may cast a storm full of rage
And turn to red men next page

But why the sirens still (en)chant men
Why don't they plug their ears? they can!!
Are they men or mice? Human or beast?
Are they living or dying? Or breathing at least?

*******

I hate you sailing moon
For you roam my thoughts day and night
No sun embraces the heat of the noon
And no more the day is full of light

I hate you thunder that peers inside
For you smite me with imperious strife
All the outcast and shadow abide
In eternal mourning of one's life!

I hate you foul wind that whispers at night
I hate you fearless raven that freely fly
I hate you for every minute you made me out of sight
I hate you for every second you made me die!

*****************

I hate the way I feel inside
With anger, that no management can hide
Hapiness around the corner weeps
And my heart no stillness grabs for keeps

I hate that bitch that went through my backyards
Breaking windows and all pottery in a million shards
No gate would stop the bitch from bitting me
Until I bled, until I fell, until I flee..

I hate you... I really do
I never thought I could hate you
I never thought I could even hate anyone
But you showed my how, making me feel some..

I hate you.. leave me be
I will be eternally free
And you a memory far away
Like a dying cigar on an ashtray.

I hate you.. goodbye
I refuse one more tear to cry
I want to smile again and again
And I will do whatever I can...

Until we never meet, I hope
You are not the other end of my rope!

Today...

... my "need" or will to write is far away...
... longing for those times when my hand wrote as my mind dreamed...

... far away.. away.. to stay... just for now...
... maybe not, somehow!

Goodbye "Intimacy"

Not once I doubted you! Not once I laid down my hand to strike you!
Not once did I injuried you in any form.. not once did I stop being your friend..

But now I have to let you go.. the sadness you carry.. it is a burden I cannot hold!

But, so you know, you will return eventually, hopefully.. one day, when sadness and grief are in the Past with no chance of return... I bid you farewell... long life... warmth...

Until... your return! Prodigal "ears"...

Today...

... I am free ...

Free as a newborn butterfly!

*******

Cast a shadow on yesterday
Memories that crash like clay
As my hands, full of might
Crush them all with my powerful light!

Today...

... I am free...

Free as a dying bird...

The Mask (reprise)

Bloated fish seen as a whole
Spikes, fins and guilt as it come
Sweet lips, gentle smile in warm heart
Forget all what was done..

I see you and nod accordingly
Inside, my resolve is long surfaced
Pain is bliss, tears are joy
If the Mask you wear still, though defaced!

While looking at my "Yuki" a raging though went through my mind.

Dogs are like people... they are lazy and boot-licker!

Tagged by a fluffy Mac

10 Secrets about me (I am an open book.. but there.. some secrets may appears while going through my attic of thoughts!!)




1) My family do not know me! Not one! My sister may know me a little better, but others just know what I show them. I am very quiet and very speechless at home.. while with friends I am talkative and very very funny (someone told me!). I am also a great listener and I tend to be compassionate and I always try to advise them to the best of my capabilities. Not much of a secret, if you knew me!!


2) No one in my family knows that I like to write. Again, my sister might know something, but not the extent of it.



3) Once I became infatuated by the Moon.. She was my mistress, pale and beautiful.



4) I once feel into a pit of shit.. I had to throw away my boots.. I was a little kid back then and I put my feet in there because I was looking at an airplane passing by. My brother and his friend laughed all day at my expense! Nowadays I don't like airplanes very much... Hmmm.. I wonder!!


5) When in High School I always wanted to grow my hair so I could hide my face from the others. But I lacked the strenght to decide that. I considered too much about what others would think about me.


6) I thought about suicide! I was 15 or so. I loved this girl and she treated me like I was dumb! I even told my friend and he said "you are not doing that. don't be stupid" and that was the last time I spoke or though about that!



7) I cry like a baby while watching the finale of Big Fish!



8) I tried to buy a mask, just like that one in Vanilla Sky, because I failed to hide my face behind my hair!! Of course, that was just plain stupidity.. but still.. it was true!



9) I don't like water very much. I even have some kind of fear. I don't know how to swim either!



10) When I was an infant, in kindergarten, I escaped my class with a girl. We went to the bathroom alone. We then kissed on the lips, but to my misfortune she forgot to clean her nose (yeah right!! as if a kid remembers that).... imagine the rest....

Pretty nasty and shocking experience... I remember saying while I was washing my face "see what you have done!" Luckly, that episode of my early days in this world haven't made me a psychopath... or worse... a geek!!

*****

There you go Cotton Candy Mac... peruse through my secrets as you like =) I still wait for that story....

The Return of the Screaming Face

One night
Dull of light
A man walked away
With nothing more to say!



Along came a will
That longs here still
Every day a dream on demand
Every day a house of sand


A screaming face stood as a wall
Unable to cross without paying toll
Not even a boat could surrender
For no shore exists, not sea, wild or tender


Should he insist for the coming wave
Or should he go away for him to save
Where is Oracle when you need it so
Maybe it is time for the screaming face to go!


Oh silent heart that loves with silent pace
Silence you fear and your screaming face
Gather around all what you care
Blinding the mask and the eyes stare


Gently a wave will come someday
Nature is fair, no need to pray
Just believe and all will be said
With a loving smiling face instead!

Scraps of metal left my home to become freemetal!!

The perplexed metal scraps looked at me and said

"Man.. I think you lost your mind! ... Who will see you like a sane person if you keep talking to scraps of metal?"

"In the past I talked to a street pole" - I replied putting my fist on my chin with a wondering gaze

If the scraps had eyes they would surely open them widely... but, now that I thin of it they don't even had mouth.. but they sure talked like crazy..

"Man" - this must be their favorite word - "We can't stand your madness anymore, Man. We're going out and we're never comming back, Man."

"Hmmm... I wonder if the street pole had light...!! Never talked to it during nighttime!"

They left as they had come in the first place.. As immaginary talking scraps of metal...

Hmmm... as for the pole... well... it was real!

Hatred - A modern crutch to explain one's lack of will

"I will never forgive you for what you have done to me!"

Once there was this girl who thought she was the best. She was flawless, she was immaculate, never hurting anybody. But then she met someone who made her soul smile like never before. Thus, she fled her reasoning for a while and embrace that gentle soul.

Later, her past ran towards her and grabbed her by the neck. She couldn't breathe. She was flawless, she was good.. but lost in her selfish thought of herself, she crushed the gentle soul and her Past alike.. Living on the Past, loving the present, the gentle soul suffered a winter cold breeze, and for a year the gentle soul, though aching, stood still beside the "flawless" one..

"I never hurted anybody" - she said once, while betrayal was her middle name at that time.. She would be with her Past, swearing love to the gentle soul.. "If I could I would have you both" - she said to the gentle soul with a grin... and he cried!

Then.. he steps away... The gentle soul figured the suffering would never stop until he moves on.. but the "Flawless" one returns.. She sais "I love you.. I can't live without you"

The gentle soul find himself between belief and doubt.. He decides to believe..

"Do you mean what you said?" - he asks

"Yes.. I do! I do not toy with feelings"

"Well then.. Will you be with me? Will you leave you past at once and embrace the Present?"

"I don't know.. I don't know if I want to leave my Past" - The Flawless one responds....

The gentle soul agonizes. He felt betrayed, deceived and an immense painful mist covered his heart.. He then stepped away once more.. broken..

A few weeks later, hatred came in form of words... "I will never forgive you for turning your back on me. I said I loved you and you ran away..."

Unfair words, thought the gentle soul.. he felt like crying..

why do he loved such a person, flawed, self-centered, unfair... he knew not!

No one can control the heart, nor can one control what happens on the world.. Feelings are more misterious than the Universe, for they will never be unravelled!

Trees on the Road as I pass by inside a poorly lit bus

Crestfallen sky
With purple clouds hanging over the dim world
....
Why are the trees running?
Where do they go?
....
So fast, so fast
Everlasting run
Far away to the crestfallen sky
With purple clouds hanging over this dim world

Back from The Future (after a week of intense sensations)

I ate "Pasteis de Belém" and my mouth and tongue had a sort of orgasmic reaction!! ALso, I learned to eat with chopsticks.. and I ate so many other things that made me reach the sky... at least sky on earth =)

Well... I am back now.. and I will stick around for some time now (vacations are taking vacations, so I won't see them for a while)


I will try to catch up with Your "neverending writting so many lines and words and neverstoping typing caracters and smily thoughts" blogs..

I have some work to do now... my desk do not take time off.. so it kept working while I was enjoying some new and superb experiences!!

Eye Lids Shut Tight

Eye lids shut tight
For it's dark as night.
That is the moment inside your mind
When dreams begin to unwind.

Dreams of valor, love and fantasy
Dreams of might and knights wannabe
All inside with smiling eyes
All peacefull without cries.

But those dreams are not meant to be
It's all an illusion you see
Why do you keep your closed eyes
And fill your troubled mind with lies?

Open your eyes to the outside world
Breathe and live like the best you could
There may be a chance to win
And forever leave the sad grin.

Maybe it is late, maybe it is not
We're all part of this eternal plot
That has many many names until now
Destiny, Fate, God or Aliens somehow!

Quero esquecer-te...
Que tortura!
Deixa o meu pensamento..
Dia e noite..
Porque tenho de te amar assim tanto!?

"whoops-a-daisy" - no one uses that anymore!!

Fell down from myself.. lost sight for long, with only the dirt before my eyes.. no strenght to pull me up, my arms fadding like torn pieces from a far away memory.. the moist plunged my lungs and made them it's home.. I succumbed to my own breathing, the microscopic ants of sadness made streams inside my body.. I became ill, from a sickness of longing, of despair, of grief, of weakness..
Time passed.. roots began to grab the ground..I made myself cosy, albeit cosiness felt like knives ramming back and forth on an eternal horror melody.. so weak, life seemed a legend, it never existed..

But then I realised the mockery of life against me.. I had given everything to someone that didn't deserve it.. and on dying from being neglected like a criminal I decided to give that person one more chance.. and another.. and another.. for loving, for wanting to believe, for crying like someone real close had died a horrible death..

Exausted by my own grief, and not achieving anything on my quest for her heart I steped away.. I felt like an idiot for putting so much faith in love, as life showed me love wins not.. prejudice and mallice does!
I now beggin a new jouney.. to forget the unforgettable.. to demise this feeling like it has never been.. to erase a year of my life.. broken, I now walk this only road that I can only hope will lead me to freedom..!

What's in a window?!?

Windows.. why did we invent them? To bring light to our homes.. to let the fresh air in the morning caress our tired bodies? Why? Just to lock them at night so we feel safe? Or for people who walk the streets at night get a form of "Urban lighthouse" so they don't feel lost?

Why is a window so important to us?!

Maybe it has to do with dreams.. gazing through a window on a rainy day is both soothing and boring... watching the sun outside while working makes us wonder how great it would be if we could go outside and play like a child.. why do prisions have windows? so the persons inside suffer the lack of freedom..

Why windows and not doors? What pleasure do we have leaning on a window watching the world outside.. opening a window... decorate our windows with sumptuous cloths... gazing from afar onto a window far away on a dark room and think about it as Art...

Why windows I question? Why does a tree look greener from this side of the window and not while outside? Why everything tends to be so much enjoyable?

Maybe it has to do with dreams.. the need to be free.. and because most of us can't achieve freedom.. we built windows!

10? minutos para escrever o que sinto

O coração não bate, receio
Pudera eu encostar o ouvido ao peito
Saberia..
A mão é fria, não sente, só caleja
Com prontidão a lanço ao coração, mas
Não sinto..

Onde pára o bater da vida?
Perdi-o algures entre o sonhar e o viver..
Sonhos desfeitos de sentimentos feitos..
A mão é fria..
Os dedos congelam face à inércia..
Não sinto.. nada

Porque vivo então? De onde vem este viver?
Que razão encontra o meu corpo para continuar a caminhar?
Se o coração desistiu de bater...
Porque continua o cérebro a pensar?
Porque continua a alma a doer?
Não sinto.. nada em nada

Queria ouvir-te bater coração..
Porque tens de ser em simultãneo máquina da vida e do sentir?
Porque não te limitas a bater para bombear sangue
Porque tens também de bombear sentimentos?
Deixa-os para a cabeça onde conseguimos lidar com eles com supremacia..
Não sinto.. nada em nada me sinto

Sou hoje vazio!

Back from nowhere

I have returned "home"

But no "home" as returned to me!

Why am I in silence?!?!?

Vacation :D

I'm typing these words away from home on a "foreign" computer.. with white keyboard and white mouse.. definitly a girl computer...

See you next monday :D

Gonna enjoy the rain outside....

Why do Clouds exist?!

Have you ever wonder?

I have a theory.. clouds are like the Earth's sheets or blankets...

Hmmm... I know what you are thinking.. So how come it rains "under the sheets"?

Well.. just as easy... Earth has a water matress.. it is so old that holes appeared and it leaks.. the clouds are so warm and thick that creates certain circunstances that makes the water evaporate, and consequent condensation, thus rain appears under the sheets of the Earth.. We are mere microscopic beings living on Earth's sheets...

Yeah!! I know... =D I bet now you believe in Aliens and that we are a human "crop"!!

Just another day...

I got up.. my eyes closing instead of opening up for one more day at work...clearly because I only fell asleep close to 5 AM.. the rain made me company on my waking late hours, pouring heavily outside.. the wind sang a lament amogst raindrops and the darkness of a winter like spring night.. no moon.. no stars.. just tears from heavens..

I laid there like a vacant boredom.. for hours with no aparent signs of sleep.. just blank eyes.. staring at nowhere... a dim red light from the TV... sometimes a flashing bright thought in my head.. then the dark again.. the rain, furious, relentless.. the darkness outside screaming with fear.. the tiles from the roof played like a heavenly xylophone..

I turned the light on.. the darkness ran to the corners of my room, afraid of the light.. just small shadows remained, gazing from afar.. waiting, like vultures, for the lights to go away.. I made no effort to show fear.. I was to deepened by my solitude..

The clock on the wall, ticking, like an everlasting pound, every sound paced by my heartbeat..

I became tired... I don't want to write more.. the end!




A still on the wall remembers the early days, when the earth was pure.. now the photograph shrinks, burns, deteriorates.. just fades..

Verto lágrimas porque dói
A certeza do que já passou
Foi em vão a nossa canção?
Foi uma despedida prolongada?
Foi uma angústia acarinhada?

Haverá esperança de voltar a sonhar?
Viver com sorrisos?
Amar sem desesperar?
No final abraçar-te como da 1ª vez
Sentir-te
Cheirar-te

Verto lágrimas porque te amo ainda
Como sempre amei
E na minha vida ainda existes
Persistes como as marés

Reencontras-me como se nunca me tivesses perdido..
Mas eu estou perdido
Longe, ausente de ti
Ver-te em braços alheios que te fazem sofrer

Maldito és coração!
Porque me privas deste sentir
Porque és tão fraco...

O amor nada mais é que uma lenda
Um sentimento perdido nos tempos
Algo que foi
Uma recordação...
Um sufrágio de nós mesmos..

Verto lágrimas...! Mas porquê?
Porque ainda acredito que queiras de novo sentir-me?

Serei louco? Sim.. sou louco!

Tagged by Macadamia The Nut - A new Hope!!

.......

1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER:

Atonement

Coments on that... hmmm... none!! It was just another regular film, not much to say!


2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?

Trying to read - "The book of disquiet" -Bernardo Soares/Fernando Pessoa
Forgoten on my nightstand for a while - The Master and Margarita - Mikhail Bulgakov

Some time ago I would read several books a month (even in the classroom, on a garden, even while in line waiting for lunch on the canteen)... now my troubled life steals that from me.. My passion for reading is fading.. sadly!

3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?

Chess

War on your living room!! Feel my sword you wretched king!!! MHWUAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!

4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?

Hmmm... National Geographic.. (magazines are not my kind of reading material)


5. FAVORITE SMELLS?

The morning perfume.. and nature... the smell of the woman I love...!

6. FAVORITE SOUNDS?

Sometimes Silence... some people don't know, but there is no silence! Silence is filled with sound.. if you listen to silence you will listen to yourself!

7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?

Panic.. when your heart breaks through your chest and you lose balance becoming oblivious of your surroundings!


8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE?

Lately, I think of her.. yes.. I confess.. I am hopelessly in love!


9. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?

If you consider pizza fast food, then every place that serves pizza will do!!! =D


10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?

"Alien to this world" - after his father!! =D

Maybe Gabriel..


11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I'D...?

Buy my parents a nice house! The rest would be managed so I wouldn't have to work until my last days! I would become a writter full time.. in a small house with the few things I really like on this life! - Solitary Vision

If I had wife and kids I would buy my parents a nice house and the rest would by for me and my family, probably a big house with a studio for her to paint and an attic room for my writting.. ahh.. dreaming is so good, if you are not awake!

12. DO YOU DRIVE FAST?

No.

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?

Only Lice.. LOL

14. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY?

Lighting may be cool, but when far away! If you feel safe inside your home then a storm may be a pleasent thing, but if it's strong and full of dangers then it is scary for sure. The bottom line is, I am fond of nasty weather when at home.. but I can't stand strong winds!

15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?

Opel Corsa..


16. FAVORITE DRINK?

Water... =) yeah, thats right!! Sometimes my mouth rejoyces with a natural juice, something like fresh orange juice made by myself and oranges or peach bought from local stores.. all 100% natural


17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD

Made all the things I want.. and bypass the moment on my future life when I will fell sorry for what I haven't done!


18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?NO!!!

I eat the whole "tree" =D Nice branches too!


19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?

Blue.. and I would let my hair grow..


20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN.

So you would come visit me and make yourselves guests and live a while at my expense?!?!? Nooooooooooooo! :p


21. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

Girl fight =D


22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU.

I don't know Macadamia in person, but something tells me that beyond the crazyness there is a warm and kind heart.. surelly a very nice person to be friends with! =)

So.. if you come to Portugal one day, let me know so I may leave the country before your arrival!! I will leave you a note of course.. =D

23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?

Lint... maybe mice too!!


24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN?

Yes! I like the person I am.

25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL?

Both! I love the morning... I love the starlit sky! It would be best I hadn't the need to sleep!


26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP?

I'd rather eat at home!!


27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX?

A large city park (I would like to visit Central Park one day!)... gardens... go for a walk in the wild (just a few miles from my home I have woods)


28. FAVORITE PIE?

Any kind I guess! Not much a pie person I am!


29. FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?

Strawberry


30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?

None =p

As before I tag no one! Maybe if Isis is willing to respond ;) It's up to you and your purple fingernails!!!

Stuck in the wall

N
A
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L

O
N

T
H
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W
A
L
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No one thinks about the pain the wall feels... I do!

Tagged by Macadamia The Nut

Here goes (everything - My most inner secrets will be revealed... by my MP4 Player... the true soothsayer of MY Universe!!!)

Attention... Mostly I listen to "dark" music, so keep an open mind =D

"If someone says 'Is this okay?', you say?"
Consternation - Katatonia
(Well... I guess it is not okay.. no!!!)

"What would best describe your personality?"
Pale - Aenima
(Maybe this summer I'll go out looking for a non pale Tan!)

"What do you like in a guy/girl?" (somehow I am a bit "scared" to know the answer!!)
Criminals - Katatonia
(Errr... They say Criminality is rising all over the planet.. maybe it's a love thing!!)

"How do you feel today?"
Foto Blu Infinito - Novembre
(Like an infinite blue photograph... ahhh... now draw the curtains and let the sun drop..In my dreams I see you.. oh Blue Blue where are you!!)

"What is your life's purpose?"
Slowburn - Feeder
(Maybe I should become a fireman, so when the slowburn turns into a flame I would be able to dowse it)

"What is your motto?" (another one veryyyy frightening....!!)
Ashes and Dreams - Theatre of Tragedy
(Maybe fireman is not just right.. pyromaniac seems more like it..)

"What do your friends think of you?"
Svend Herlufsens Ord, Del I Min Kærest Er Som Den - Lumsk
( =| If only I knew Norewegian.. I always felt like an "alien".. now I know my friends don't speak the same language as I do!! =D )

"What do you think of your parents?"
Forever Yours - Nightwish
(...)

"What do you think about very often?"
Lilith – Aenima
(Being a demon and such, at least its a girl!!!)

"What is 2+2?"
Wormwood - Callisto
(Hmm... so.. 2+2 = the plant wormwood?? Mathematics is very hard!)

"What do you think of your best friend?" (hahaha!! I wonder...!)
Bullet - Feeder
(She pierced through me and reached my heart.. that's for sure! But bullets kill!! I was shot by friendship.. that gives it a new meaning!)

"What do you think of the person you like?"
Redemption – Silentium
(Well.. this is just right! Trully, I hope for her redemption and for her to show me that she deserves my love!)

"What is your life story?"
Tell all your Friends - Feeder
(Hehe.. I'm like those neighbours that sleep by the windows so they can gossip about everything! - Not true, by the way!! I keep secrets!)

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Moths - Amber Asylum
(I guess I always loved bright warm lights.. I'll try to stay out of highways!)

"What do you think when you see the person you like?"
Keine Liebe - Mantus
(Again!! This must be my horoscope or something!! No love is what I see.. but it may be a matter of time!)

"What do your parents think of you?"
Elements - Lunatica
(I am whole.. I am everything... I am air, water, fire, earth... even ether..)

"What will you dance to at your wedding?"
A Close Encounter - Callisto
(Hehe... I like that!!! =D)

"What will they play at your funeral?"
Bitter Glass - Feeder
(Maybe I'll have a "Houdini" Glass Casket!! So they can watch me descend into eternity and evade death!)

"What is your hobby/interest?"
Aporation - Mortal Love
(I don't even know what this means!! =| I don't know what my own hobby is.. Please.. someone help!! I MUST have an hobby)

"What is your biggest secret?"
Slepp Meg - Lumsk
(Norway again... the secret.. I must go on a quest to discover myself! To the Ice Mountains...!)

"What do you think of your friends?" (.. it should remain a secret!!)
Fragile – Swallow the Sun
(Errr... Fragile in a friendly way.. Want a hug? don't mind the MP4!)

"What should you post this as?"
Nerve - Katatonia
(As in Nervous system! The core of all we are!)

Well.. I will now smash my MP4 into pieces!
I don't know who reads my blog (the names of the hundreds of ghost like readers) so I won't tagg anyone, since Macadamia was already tagged! So, anyone who wills it just consider yourself tagged...

Until next time... I'm off to Norway... the secret.. must find the truth..

A King with Feathers - Surprise ending

The King was taken by the beast to an Undergorund Hellish Disco like place. And he loved it so he decided to stay forever.

Facts from the Tale:

-> "A King with feathers" was the code name given by His Infernal Majesty from below to the Mission on corrupting the Good King!

-> The Princess was actualy an emissary from the Disco, sent to summon the King

-> "King of The Celestial Highs, by moonlight today you will fly away" - is the secret password for entering the Underground Disco, but the King failled to receive the magical invitation/incantation sent by the ruller of the Underworld, because he sent a vampire to do the job and he was slain by Van Helsing

-> The princess succumbed on the dinning hall because she was drunk from the party she attended before

-> The print on the sheets appeared because the king went and had sex with the princess and she had some kind of goo from the underworld, not known by men and only removed by dark magic... and it was no tormented soul, but the face of a king having an orgasm..

-> "I command thee, arrise, fulfill your destiny" is the chorus of a medieval disco music and she screamed that in some drunk delusion

-> The king said "I thought I heard someone shouting". - The royal priest was on his tent and got stung by a bee and screamed

-> The Princess vanished in ashes because she was still drunk and suffered Spontaneous combustion

A king with Feathers

Far away, on a kingdown unknown to mankind, there lived a king! This king was unlike anyother. Majestic feature, portentous figure, truly a King!! All his royal servants loved him above their own lives and made all to make him happy! The king, pleased with his servants granted them all they needed to live confortably. His kingdom was a wonderful place, filled with peace, joy and beauty.

One day, along with a silent storm, a princess came, alone, mounted on a black horse. She stood in front of the gates not saying a word. The guards aproched her unarmed, for no one ever attacked the Castle and certainly not this young and fragile woman.

"Welcome to the fair kingdom of The King of the Celestial Highs! Please, state your business, kind lady! Our King will be delighted to receive your and give you shelter for the evening. A Storm is bound to come this way, or so says our magician. Please, dismount your horse! Let us feed him as well as your ladyship."

The Princess was pale and did not respond to the guard. The guard, shouting something to someone inside the Castle walls, walked towards the princess. Some time later, two guards entered the Castle carrying the Princess along.

She rested all night long and the next morning. By the hour of 12 she woke up from her slumber. She walked trough the castle hallways like a wraith from the world beyond, with livid skin, black empty eyes..

She entered the dinning hall, where all of the most important people of the kingdom were eating a joyous meal. As the dinning hall oak doors opened with a creaking sound all eyes gazed the ghost like princess. With paced steps she walked towards the king and, when in front of him, she wispered:

"King of the Celestial Highs, by moonlight today you will fly away!"... Then she succumbed, lost her equilibrium and fell onto the floor.

Time passed and nothing seemed to bring the princess back, she was dead-like! The King demanded she was laid on a bed with someone watching over her. The king was somewhat troubled by her words, but those were the words of a feverish woman, not to be taken as truth.

Later, the king went on a hunt with his royal advisors. They spend all afternoon hunting. At sundown the King ordered that a camp was set to spend the night. By morning they would resume the hunt and later on return to the castle...

They prepared a banquet with some animals hunted hours before. Then, something strange happened. As the moon rose from the dephts of the earth, so did a wave of something that seemed like birds. The king cried.

"By heavens. What foul vision is this? Does the moon become filled with birds or do my eyes deceive me?"

"It seems that way, my Lord" - someone said - "The moon seems to be attracting all those birds as they were drawn to it"

Back in the castle the princess was sleeping like a corpse.. but sudenly she lifted her torso and sat on the bed. She opened her hollow eyes and with a demon voice her mouth shouted "I command thee, arrise, fulfill your destiny" and then collapsed inanimated.

The King turned his head and said "I thought I heard someone shouting". But no one could abide to his claim.

Suddenly, the birds stoped, covering the moon making the world pitch black. Just a few miles away a mountain rose from the ground. It was bright, but black with red veins.. steam sprung from the undergroun and so did millions of voices from what seemed to be hell. Cries and sorrows from dead souls..
On top of the newborn mountain there stood a beast, with large black feathered wings but resembling a human with crow head.

The King was frightned by what is wise and old eyes were seing. "What wretched beast I see before me? Nor man, nor bird! A demon from the dead world, no doubt."

And before he could say more, the winged beast flew towards him. As the others were fleeing for their lives, the King was unnable to move... The beast grabed him by his shoulders and disappeared in the sky...
The moon shone once more, no birds covering it.. not one in sight!

At the castle the princess vanished, leaving but a pile of ashes. On the spot where she was laid a mark was printed. The shape of a the king's tormented soul. No water could wash it, no fire could burn it, no burying could make it disappear.. Why? Why was the kings taken?

************************

Vote on the ending you desire most

1 - The King has some terrible secret from his past, thus revealed...
2 - Surprise Ending

Vote now!!!!!

The Most UNInteresting Diary of All Times - Entry VI

I Hate Diaries!!

Then, why do I keep one?! That may just be one of the most intricate enigma of all times!!

The Mask - Closure (?)

Blasted morning that arrives one day
For the winter although away
Remais still inside yourselves
Like those books, longing in our shelves.

When we try to read them they become dust
Even if we open them at dusk
Nothing we can do to make then again whole
Life pays life with heavy toll.

So lay down your bookcase and step outside
Open the last door that is always in hide
The doorknob will crack at last
And finally the aim of your life you will grasp.

The Most UNInteresting Diary of All Times - Entry V

Time

People...and more and more people.. worried with their litle problems "what color shall I dye my hair?!" or "I broke a nail... I will cry forever!!!"

What if three legged dogs could talk? Do you think they would cry about their lost limb? Or would they live with only 3 legs and be happy all the same? Well, I guess they don't need to talk to give us an answers (and a lesson also)!!!

And here we are... losing time with meaningless worries and futile fears. You are scared of going to someplace you always wanted?!? Well, maybe next year, you think.. and while thinking about this you got hit by a car.. No next year now, not for you!!
You always loved someone! Never told that person how you feel. And you felt a coward all your life, even in your death bed, when making a flashback of your life.. dying with sorrows, pain and grief.. Question and more questions "What if I have done this.. What if I had had the courage to..." ... it is best to do and to regret only the outcome, never the lack of action.. "At least I tried.. at least I know"

Time is a man-made "thing".. there is no time! Hours are a fabrication, just to sell clocks (lol)... In space "time" moves slowly.. it's just life, and dying cells, and aging.. not TIME!!! But, as for everything, it's just my opinion.. I wish I had more strength to gain "time" not losing it. But I know I kissed the girl... and I will smile when my final breath comes!

Atonement - No book or story can repair the malice that have been done...

No atonement comes to me
For sins I have not commited
For illusions someone created
Thus casting me to an erthly purgatory

No atonement can be achieved now
Not for sinner or saint
Pale blankets that fill the skies
Eyes deceived by own mind

No atonement to the unbeliever
That ran away from truth..
That left me behind in misery
And procured other arms to embrace..

No atonement to purge my tears
No atonement to clean the hatred
No atonement for me
I am not the culprit, yet, I am fated to mourn myself!

"If you start writing, something worthy may come out..." - My Mind Says to me

So I write.. with no purpose and no path!

Just words, composed by letters, but not love letters, no!! Those are forgotten in time, time when a young mind and heart believed the world was colorful, yet, growing up showed that young (now not so young as before) that although some colors flow from time to time in our lives, living tends to become darker and darker.. especially when all that you are inside is misunderstood by those you want to understand you the most.

Rainbow often appears next to a spring, after some rain has poured down from heavens, but not always...

But I must write something, that is the purpose of these words... My Mind says I need to write, even if I don't know what to write.. even if my fingers are frozen by my melancholic/zombie like state of mind.. my eyes opened like gazing beacons from nowhere.. and still, my Mind does not give up on me.

So much words and nothing said! If this was a notebook all would be scribbled by a longing hand, that longs for sad eyes to become light and to gaze not upon emptiness and darkness, but into a lighthouse of hope, whose light always come back, even if away for some time..

I can't write.. My Mind, forgive me! I am just a cold hand that tries to make a living in this alien place we call life.. But I still try.. I still hope.. I wait for the light to shine once more.. and may the ice that embodies me be shattered and cast away into the redness of the evening sun...

Black and White

Men are like rain! Sometimes it pours like there's no ending, no hope, like the end is near. All seems lost, despair and tears flow with the drops of neverending rain.. but then, it suddenly stops.. clouds grow scarce, the sun appears on the firmament, warmth makes us cozy again.. tears dry up!! We smile!!

We all have good inside us, and also all that is bad. It's up to us to decide whether we want to cultivate the good or evil within..

***************************

The insidious parrot that would not cry (a poem without rime)

"Cracker Cracker" said the parrot
Only words we ever knew!
But for sounds we was a master
He could copy all he heard!

One day, in a foggy night
The owner grabbed is parrot
And put him on a chair
Then sat down and cryed like hell.

The parrot was in awe
Why was the man making such strange noises
And with malice he took flight
And pecked the man on the head!

The man made no effort to withdraw from the attack
He just stood there, crying harder..
The parrot flew to the chair again
Why was he being neglected?!

Then he suddenly realised
What he had to do to make the man smile
He tried to copy the soggy sound the man was making
But instead a whistle came out.

"What on earth is this?" - the parrot cried
"Why is my effort by whistle declined?"
The man was making the ground all wet
The parrot couldn't make out why!!!

So he gave up on trying to cry
Alone on a chair he resigned to stay
While the man in his grief
All night long remained.

When the first light of morning appeared
The parrot blinked his small eyes
And a sigh on the form of song sprung out
Making the grievous man rise!

"Little parrot, how beautifull you song is"
"I know just what I need to make me smile again"
And grabbing the parrot around his arms
He ran towards the door!

He ran like mad man on a rampage
And finally reached his destination
Holding the parrot above his head
He then shouted

"Mary Ann, come out for a while"
And golden hair appeared at the window
With candle eyes and silky skin
Trembling hands and sad smile.

"Sing parrot, sing my tears"
And the parrot sighed like before
The song filled the morning
All came out to see who was singing

Mary Ann hands secured her racing heart
She could not belive what she heard
She was happy like never before
And ran down to hold the man in her arms.

Just that second, her father opened the door
His eyes with spite, though resigned
He let Mary go to him without denying
They embraced with their hearts entwined.

"I brought you the sound of tears" - said the man
"You said if I did so I could marry your daughter"
The father slamed the door with no response
And the two lovers smiled at each other with hope.

As for the parrot he felt like crying
But all he could do was sigh
And the melody that always follows
Seems like tears to him, so he kept trying.

He felt lost without his master
But the good smile he once had, returned
So he left him and flew away
Hoping to find tears along the way!

The Most UNinteresting Diary of All Times - Entry IV

Hapiness... where have you gone to!!

Another sunny day with clouds.. another lonely day.. just another day when it could be something different, something worth living. Just like a worm pokes holes on the ground, so do I live.. forward, but with no sight, no roads, no destiny, no point of arrival..

The sun is gone.. only a frosty wind remains, and the certainty of a loss that I cannot bear at the moment.. and sadly, this moment seems to last forever..

Ravens fly free... (for a gothic heart I met today)

Once we were pidgeons
Traped inside city walls
People feeding us like cattle
Scattering us with growls.

But we felt the urge of change
We were no cattle living in a pack!
Strenghtned by the need to be free
We took a flight not looking back.

We roamed the skies, the earth and sea
Dark strong ravens we became
With wings as black as our eyes
But our dreams and heart the same.

When we finally landed on solid ground
We were pround to be well alive
And together we found ourselves
For eternity our wings will survive.

The Mask (VII)

Those enchanted voices I ear
What do they sing I wonder?
Does it sing courage or fear
Maybe it sings to those yonder.

Your presence I still recall
Whether in person or a fond memory
I gather all strenght so I do not fall
Hoping one day my eyes again will see.

What If....

What if there were no calendars?? Would we celebrate new year?? What's new on this year, beside renewal of hopes and dreams? Why do we make "excuses" about new year so we change our flaws? Why don't we change when we need to, even if it's August?

For me, it's the same old life.. a new year on a calendar does not shine to me! I am still the same, and I like being myself! So, let me praise myself for living and my strong personality and my neverending dreams and my strenght to be better and better on every complete rotation of the Earth.

The Most UNinteresting Diary of all Times - Entry III

Winter comes to all. If not while young it may strike you when older. I embraced the Christmas spirit.. I embraced HER along the way... I felt warm and cozy in her arms!

Later I went home.. winter came in form of bitter words.. unfair/untrue conjurations against me.. winter laughed at my face, pierced my heart and made it it's Home! I have no peace in time of peace and good will toward men.. maybe I'm alien to this Xmas theory.. maybe I'm just naive.. maybe I am Autumn, but without golden leaves to drop.

Why can't I "be Christmas" one time in my life?!

I walked the red carpet and it was blue!!

I went out yesterday.. I decided to go for a walk. The city was filled with Christmas lights and the night, though a little cold, was pleasant. I walked slowly, with dreamy eyes and easy thoughts. Just an ordinary night!

The moment I saw the red carpet rolling down the street I felt the urge to step on it. I ran like a charriot with square wheels, tumbling all the way. I reached the royal carpet.. there it stood, wainting for my royal feet to put some dirt on it.. I gladly walked heavly with my tremendous shoes, with bouncing arms and a madmans smile.. I felt happy while running on top of that royal walkway!!

Then, all of a sudden, the carpet ended.. and I instantly became quiet again.. my hands in my pockets, my breath against the night's cold.. and I saw blue stars among all the lights that do not shine.. the carpet I long for is blue!

The Most UNinteresting Diary of All Times - Entry II

Driving with ice on the windshield, trying to see the road from a tiny "hole" near the left corner.. lazyness made me do it. I could just wipe the ice with my stone cold hands.. the ice would have suffered severed cold burns!!!

December rain turns to ice. People don't get out without proper clothes. I put on my jacket and gloves and walk all the way to work. My mind lost in some ethereal parallel universe.. my heart aching facing the cold truth of life, frozen with sorrow and grief, my tears warming my eyes and cheeks.. my hands holding an umbrella that hopes that will rain sometime soon.. my feet inside my shoes making noises that no one can ear.. silent cries from my lungs find a way to the outer world.. I feel breathless, grief being my sole company since I left home, listening to "God has a plan for us all" from Angtoria.

I finally reached the end of my morning journey...

"It is soooo cold outside" someone said

"Really?? I didn't notice!!!" I replied.

The Mask (VI)

The answer to the question "Why?"
Is laid in mist and scrutiny eye
The right and wrong on each side
The perils and tear to hide.

The Mask (V)

Something is afloat
Not by car nor boat
But in the everlasting skies of clay
Gentle kisses and nightlike day
Not a plane on sight
For it is dark as night
As my eyes can plainly see
My fate was not meant to be.

The Most UNinteresting Diary of All Times - Entry I

To Myself from Myself

Tonight I dreamt! I left the "awaken" dreams of my daily dreamworld aside and plundered deep the dreams of my subconcious mind. Those scary memories I thought I had lost along the passing years..but memories do not vanish. They stay there, hidden, just waiting for a chance to step back out. Fortunately, they were harmless and at the moment of waking up from my slumber they were just like a far away thought, a soothing feeling of what once was, and will never again be.

The Mask (IV)

Scattered faces with no smile
All together as a pile
All laughing with no sound
The pale darkness to bound

Run away as fast as you will
The mask you wear chains you still
All is lost without hope
Just a neck, a not and a rope

Failed to see the living lies
Vicious faces with burning eyes
Chantings that warm my wepping soul
But are filled with sinister goal.

I am weak.. I am decaying
All my strenght is fading...

A carcass has plenty of time to lay there dead

We are dust, some people say. CarpeDiem, greeks said..

So, why do we spend half of our lives sleeping? Should not cientists work for finding a way to keep us awake and live the most of our lives? We might live until 100 years old, but we only lived 50.. where have the rest gone to?

I am one of the "lucky" ones.. I only feel the need to sleep for about 6 hours.. I may live longer than you sleepy ones =)

The Mask (III)

Hide your tears behind a Mask
Hide your face so no one ask
It may be hard to hold present tears
Your heart is bound to Love and Fears..

All is lost in a silent gaze
The path you lead is dimmed in haze
Make haste so you reach for the door
Or you will be lost, not returning, nevermore!

In a space travel to the Moon my heart was struck by debris

I began my voyage with much hope, smiling like a child whose greatest dream is to eat candy. My ship called "Dream Until Hope" (a.k.a. Duh!) started ascending in direction of the bright stars above.

Bedazzled by what my eyes saw I fell in deep love with stars, eye of Universe, warmth of dreaming people around the world. It felt like home, space!

I let myself go with the flow.. I turned of the engines and my ship floated with no aparent direction. I knew Fate would deliver me to my glorious hour. The ship started moving towards the Moon, so pale and bright, filled with dreams of millions from ancient times, round and inflated like a ballon of hope.. Hope is the key word in space, hope to stay alive, hope to see the most, hope to feel that it was worthy, hoping to always come back..

I landed on the Moon, happy, in bliss! I jumped like I had never jumped before and my soul was light; I could jump as far as a tall building and land with no harm to myself. I embraced what the Moon gave me, I was deeply and forever eternaly in love.

But the Moon is not always full. It disapeared one day, becoming a hollow black empty spot in space. I left, I was cold. I could not jump anymore. My space ship turned to the Earth and began the trip back home. My weeping heart, aching like a million knives pierced again and again.. and when in pain, thinking that the worst would be gone soon space debris crashed against my spacecraft...

I passed out for a while, I dreamt of the bright Moon and Hapiness, jumping so high with trembling smiling loving heart. I woke up in the coldness and vastness of space, wandering with no direction. I felt lost, I cried. My tears froze immediatly becoming pointy arrows of sorrow and I was, again and again, slashed by my own sadness and despair.

Feeling so numb I couldn't even cry anymore I gave up fighting, I delivered myself to the empty cold infinit Universe.. I sccumbed to my Fate. My arms dropped in resignation. I pass out one more time.

Later, not knowing how much time I spent out there I woke up in a small planet. Blue water, green grass.. Was it Earth again? It appeared to be, but something seemed diferent.. I was alone, no one on sight, Nature glorious and prolific. My world, wether real or fabrication of my mind.. doesn't matter. I feel calm.. I will stay!

An ode to a Nut

I - Parody

Buildings, concrete and such
We see them a lot, even to much
Rivers, tree tops and grass
We see them, through a glass.

Cities are made by men
They say "I do the best I can"
Though animals often cry
"It's no good, no matter how hard we try"

Concrete walls before our eyes
Sad people in packs with longing sighs
Nature far away with bright lights
Not just a fine place for sights..

Parody comes to city towns
Circus, beasts and even clowns
All laughing and jumping like lunatic fools
Some with balls, fire and sometimes dangerous tools.

Nature stands quiet in relief
She is happy not being part of this grief
All She desires is to be left alone without pain
And not machines cutting trees for buildings and grain.

"Clowns stay there hidden out of sight
For our future once most bright
Becomes dark and sometimes hopeless
But we will prevail one day, I guess!"

II - The Nut

Nature gather and seek a masterplan
They will send an emissary, someone that can
Put some sense on those clowns
Far away on concrete city towns.

The Nut steps forward and grabs the task
She says "I'm not afraid, I'll just go and ask"
And rolling there The Nut goes
In direction of the big city woes.

Arriving at a place that seems like a town
The Nut is greeted by a sad smiling clown
"Is this the city town of men?
I came to talk, we have a plan."

The clown just jiggles with rolling eyes
"Those laughs of his almost seem like cries"
The Nut thinks to herself in wondering thought
While the clown finaly speaks the words he sought.

"Come with me.. follow me.. after me..
Into that blue house that you see"
The Nut rolls to the front wodden door
Of the house made of wood, ceiling and floor.

When inside the Alfa Clown stands still
The Nut, although strong in mind, chill
"I came to you, we have a plan
You must do whatever you can"

"We'll start chopping you clowns
So we can build our own towns
And we'll set fire on your towns by and by
So you'll be cheaper to buy."

"Then we will process the burned clowns
Take the black parts and put them in towns
You will seem like brand new, believe me
Every one will think you are burn free"

"We will chop chop chop like mad
But not all is bad
We will leave a town of two
So nature comes visit you"

The Nut left with pride
Fearless with nothing to hide
The clowns stood still in amazed grin
And those were the last days they were seen.

Nature now has city towns
Entirely built with burned up clowns
They seems happy I can tell
Well, I guess things went out just well.

"We are the World"

Whilst the majority of people look at our world only with they own eyes I try always to see through the eyes of the world..

It may sound stupid that beauty was found in a plastic bag dancing in the wind (american beauty), but maybe he didn't see only a plastic bag, but the interaction of nature and man made objects, flirting, whispering, combining.. dancing!

We are the world.. We are part of Nature.. respecting and preserving the environment is to respect and preserve ourselves.

Breath against the cold

It's cold outside. We put on warm clothes.. coats that make us look like a wool ball (sometimes even a snow ball).
But what matter most is that we do not freeze in our daily routines.. yes, we all have our routine..

But when you notice the vapor that comes out from your mouth against the cold...! That's the moment you realize you are something, that you are no mere fool living in a fools world, in a fools life.. you are warmth, and you are stronger than cold!

Life as a way to set things right

Loneliness.. emptiness.. sadness.. all "ness" words that brings us down and further down.. tears sometimes are the answer, tears sometimes seem the only way to survive.. anger grows, vicious thoughts and words cursing everyone and everything..

Pain strikes the inner self, the good we have inside us..

But life does not give up on us. Life gives us all the answers, we just need to be strong and grab them.. well, maybe it's not that simple. Maybe sometimes there is no other way that does not include pain and grief.. maybe it depends on every situation and on every person..

Yesterday I felt like rain.. today I woke up with a little sunshine in my eyes.. After all, if we don't believe in ourselves no one will believe for us instead.. so, just like we hold our lottery tikets in front of the TV and believe we might win until the end, just let us grab life and hope and believe, until the very end!

Karma

True love.. I know what that means. Is to love someone so deeply that you hurt yourself so that person may reach hapiness and gets atention, devotion, care on a moment of need.
Becoming her suporting shoulder and her confident, knowing that her heart weeps for some other guy.. can I be more dumb, more ridiculous? When alone I cry.. my eyes turn red like a demon from hell.. I live in my personal hell. I decided not to leave her alone, unnatended.. she need's support, someone that is actually there in times of need. She knows I love her, and she feels sorry for not felling the same way, but I know that right now she don't want me to go away, that I am the only one that understands and that keeps her company and gives her shelter..

I sacrificed myself for her.. I did that during my whole life with other people too.. where is Karma?? is it a fools tale? I wonder..

The Mask (II)

The little mask that you carry
Who was it? Was a he or a she?
Why on earth do you parry
My question was meant to be!

Your secrecy, true lies
A lie with something hidden inside
My confidence in you fades and dies
And I leave you alone with your pride.

Wear the mask of your little one
That you carry on your bosom
You will shade yourself in some
Twisted, frail endless bottom.

You rule over yourself masked foe
I try only to make you see
The truth beyond lie and woe
You don't believe!! Well then, I'll let you be!

The Mask (I)

A song with no face
Melodies with darkned pace
Broken hands that may be scarred
But still live, for life is hard!!

Shattered dreams that will no longer come
Fluke of life to one, peril and sadness to some
But always we must endure so all become revealed
If so, one day, our fates will be fullfilled.

What will become of me now?

I reached the desert
And it has turned dry and pale.
A picture of my inner self
My broken, slashed heart

I walk with no direction
A blazing breeze is aloft
Burning my empty shallow eyes
And burying me 6 feet under

I make no effort to stay alive
Sunking further and further down
Closing my eyes
Remembrance of the happy days, by her side!

Not a single tear..
Pain stroke my tears with a deadly blow
Only emptiness
Only emptiness!

Finally I sunk
I fall in the void
My heart echoes in my head
My aching heart beats like a lunatic

I crash on the ground
Broken bones, broken spirit
I lay dead, but living
Only emptiness remains, only emptiness

As I lay dying
Thoughts of her surronds me
Hapiness gazes at me from the other side
And a single tear makes me smile!

Is there true happiness.. or illusion!

Happy face
Sad face
All together on a plain
Happy dancing
Sad songs
Everything leads to gain

Happy smile
Sad eyes
What you're telling is my name
Happy silence
Sad riots
All inside, all the same

What about all the illusion
Happy naive
Sad aware
What about truth and reality
Happy someone
Sad glare

Happy sad eyes
Sad happy sighs
Grieve the moments of the past
Happy cries
Sadly dies
What was gone was gone too fast.

Little Whispers that I ear

Shh..!!
Do not talk
Do not trust the light!

Candles make things right
Dreams to life
But electricity makes all to bright

What would become of the world
Without the dark
Where all would be seen
Not a thing to imagine
Just a tree, or a bench
Not a walking talking tree with big open eyes
Or a bench full of small leprecons with gold teeth

Reality is dull
When your mind is fading away
Wraped in this delusional cold and savage world

The Dark Place Within

I am old..
Books last longer than me.
Although I am wise, books know all and never forget.
I am nothing compared to books!

I sit here
On a empty armchair
Trying to buy time
Hoping to reach the end of my life feeling fulfilled

That is an enormous task
Turning greater than what I really am
Learning a way not meant to be
So I can feel alive
Even in death..

I read
I read
I imagine pictures of those words
I live inside my head what I never lived outside of it
I try to be someone else
Among books and dim lights
Candle scent and moist
I am old
I am wise
I will become a book!